Day 10

Confucious once (reputedly) said: 'Man go to bed with itchy bottom, wake up with smelly finger.' 

Think about it, think... about... it... Do you get it yet? Ahh! The penny drops, and you are now screwing up your nose in disgust :)

May not be the most elegant way of putting it, but it is undoubtedly an effective way of illustrating the idea that actions and decisions have consequences. While I haven't conducted any experiments to do with retiring to sleep in a state of anal discomfort, I have certainly been toying with this idea lately, that everything you do or don't do has an impact. Maybe small, maybe unseen, but actions change things. No action allows different changes to happen. 

So if outcomes are determined by actions, then isn't it our nature to want to control those outcomes? Isn't it just like us human beans, to want to manipulate what we do and how we think, in order to avoid the proverbial 'smelly finger'? Don't we all agree that it is best not to go to bed in that state?! - however tempting, easily justified or immediately gratifying that may be?

Yesterday I was having a somewhat interrogative chat with one of my many anonymous brother-in-laws *wink*, who commented that, unlike myself and my hound dog urge to disciple myself on the all-pervading List, he feels little or no need to remodel himself or change any of his current habits. He seemed a little astonished, even, that so many of you - my fellow crusaders - have been rallied to action by the call to dig in. His take on the situation (and I paraphrase) was that 'you are who you are', and if you are predisposed to behave in a particular way or you find yourself naturally reverting to a certain habit that others may consider less than desirable, then simply find a way to make the habit more acceptable. Either that or who jolly cares, and what business of theirs is it anyway? 

Briefly considered testing this hypothesis by allowing my five-year-old son to give in to his strong urge pick his nose incessantly, without reprisal. Thought that the results could be assessed by charting his long-term satisfaction with this hobby, against the predictably negative social consequences of such behaviour... Tossed the idea out on the basis that I probably couldn't afford the medical bills if he got beat up every Friday lunchtime behind the canteen for being such an obvious bullying target.

Besides, ultimately the issue here is not what other people think of me, it's what I think of me. "Don't you have standards?" I asked him. "You know, standards about things, that you hold up as good, but you don't necessarily live up to, but you wish you did?"

"No, I don't have standards like that. And if I ever find that I have a standard that I don't live up to, I lower my standard."

"Oh."

I guess he just isn't much of a one for the digging in.

Me? I'm just brimming over with unfulfilled standards, ideals that need a bit more elbow grease, and grand occasions to rise to. So the quest continues - and yes, it is bringing with it a certain amount of satisfaction. I am becoming more like the person I imagine I want to be. My actions are slowly beginning to align more closely with what I believe, so it actually feels like I'm less of two different people and more of one person - no longer a discontented idealist, but a satisfied realist. My metaphorical finger smells less of butt, and more of roses.

And on that note, I'm adding to my <<List>>. M xx