Every now and then the stars align, and you find a t-shirt with something written on it that perfectly expresses how you feel about something.
Today, my stars lined up all the way to Jay Jays at Orange, where I found this superb little number on a ten dollar rack. Normally I would find myself pretty well diametrically opposed to anything written on a JayJays t-shirt, but not this one. This one is awesome.
For those who can't read past the spectacularly grungy filter on the photo, it says "If you ain't being hated, you ain't doing it right."
This pretty much sums up my view on parenting, and the discipline factor. Chances are, your kids won't much appreciate your long term view of their character. They don't give a rats that you want them to learn delayed gratification. Your kids are the centre of their own marvelous universe, and you are most likely the Death Star that stuffs up gravity from bringing everything they want to them. Sometimes, at least.
My dad (see previous posts for his infinite wisdom on child rearing and other topics) had a famous saying when I was growing up. He used to say, whenever we were whingeing about whatever evil decision head made against our wishes, "I'm not your friend, I'm your parent." Supremely irritating at the time, but I now realise the excellence of the principle. If Dad had tried to be our friend (first and foremost) when we were kids, he would have made the popular decisions that lead to anarchy, and we would most likely have ended up intolerable brats. I'm making the gross assumption that my grown-up sisters and I are at least a little easier to tolerate now than that.
Since becoming a mum, I've endured little displays of the same sort of thing from my kids, which will no doubt only get worse. I have to tell myself, when my kids try to manipulate me with words like "I don't love you anymore" and "You're not my friend", that this means I'm tough enough as a parent to cut it - I have backbone. I've said many times when thinking about how I'll parent my teenagers, that if they don't hate me at least once a week, then I'm not doing my job.
Of course, being hated is not necessarily the sole indicator of success, and the game is not to make your kids hate you for fun... It's just a sign that you aren't a total marshmallow.
Since buying the shirt, I've been thinking that maybe it applies to life beyond just parenting. If you go through your whole life, never holding an opinion strong enough to be disagreed with, if you never clash with anyone, if you are such an A-class approval addict that all you ever get is reassurance and constant encouragement, even from people who don't share any of your principles... Shouldn't that ring alarm bells? I don't want people to hate me, but I'd rather that than just be some nothing piece of fluff that never me anyone think twice. Lately, I've even found myself wanting to be offensive, to people who I think need offending, anyway. Putting yourself in the line of fire might mean you cop it from a few haters, but there's courage there, and I think that counts for something. 'Rejoice, you who are persecuted...'
Baiters gonna bait, haters gonna hate, potaters gonna potate.
M xx
Today, my stars lined up all the way to Jay Jays at Orange, where I found this superb little number on a ten dollar rack. Normally I would find myself pretty well diametrically opposed to anything written on a JayJays t-shirt, but not this one. This one is awesome.
For those who can't read past the spectacularly grungy filter on the photo, it says "If you ain't being hated, you ain't doing it right."
This pretty much sums up my view on parenting, and the discipline factor. Chances are, your kids won't much appreciate your long term view of their character. They don't give a rats that you want them to learn delayed gratification. Your kids are the centre of their own marvelous universe, and you are most likely the Death Star that stuffs up gravity from bringing everything they want to them. Sometimes, at least.
My dad (see previous posts for his infinite wisdom on child rearing and other topics) had a famous saying when I was growing up. He used to say, whenever we were whingeing about whatever evil decision head made against our wishes, "I'm not your friend, I'm your parent." Supremely irritating at the time, but I now realise the excellence of the principle. If Dad had tried to be our friend (first and foremost) when we were kids, he would have made the popular decisions that lead to anarchy, and we would most likely have ended up intolerable brats. I'm making the gross assumption that my grown-up sisters and I are at least a little easier to tolerate now than that.
Since becoming a mum, I've endured little displays of the same sort of thing from my kids, which will no doubt only get worse. I have to tell myself, when my kids try to manipulate me with words like "I don't love you anymore" and "You're not my friend", that this means I'm tough enough as a parent to cut it - I have backbone. I've said many times when thinking about how I'll parent my teenagers, that if they don't hate me at least once a week, then I'm not doing my job.
Of course, being hated is not necessarily the sole indicator of success, and the game is not to make your kids hate you for fun... It's just a sign that you aren't a total marshmallow.
Since buying the shirt, I've been thinking that maybe it applies to life beyond just parenting. If you go through your whole life, never holding an opinion strong enough to be disagreed with, if you never clash with anyone, if you are such an A-class approval addict that all you ever get is reassurance and constant encouragement, even from people who don't share any of your principles... Shouldn't that ring alarm bells? I don't want people to hate me, but I'd rather that than just be some nothing piece of fluff that never me anyone think twice. Lately, I've even found myself wanting to be offensive, to people who I think need offending, anyway. Putting yourself in the line of fire might mean you cop it from a few haters, but there's courage there, and I think that counts for something. 'Rejoice, you who are persecuted...'
Baiters gonna bait, haters gonna hate, potaters gonna potate.
M xx
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