Day 43

Token blog post, as I have fallen into a funk of depression after watching Packed To The Rafters. I'm not sure what depresses me the most: #1 The fact that I watched Packed To The Rafters, #2 the current storyline on Packed To The Rafters, or #3 the fact that I never once questioned myself during Packed To The Rafters as to why I was wasting an hour in such a fashion.

Even the dog, whose current hobbies include picking the stitches out from his recent desexing operation, and sniffing behind the bin for surprise snacks, fell asleep on the couch rather than watch Packed To The Rafters. If only I possessed his wonderful doggy wisdom. There are a number of things I could learn from the dog - he is quite a disciplined character (although a dreadful people-pleaser).

Dog Discipline:

1. Use foresight - look past the moment. Today's human steaks are tomorrow's dog bones.

2. Position yourself to take advantage of opportunities at all times. You never know when one of the kids is going to fling their meal all over the floor. Be vigilant!

3. Get up early. You'll never get properly back to sleep once you realise you need to wee, anyway.

4. Don't underestimate the power of eye contact for getting what you want. The longer you can hold it, the weaker your opposition becomes.

5. Lick yourself clean, daily. Remove any fleas as you find them, or the problem will just get worse.

6. It doesn't matter how many times you get dunked in the bath - keep giving it your best effort to scramble out. Persistance will be rewarded!

7. Bad breath is a real turn-off. Clean your teeth, or you'll have no friends.

8. Know when to speak, and when to stay silent. Be silent a majority of the time, or you'll have no friends and your family will resent you. Make lots of noise if you've accidentally been shut in a bedroom.

9. Plan ahead - ration those biscuits like you don't know when the next lot are coming...

10. Stop buying things you don't need. Save money! If you want something for yourself, simply destroy it so it is no earthly good to anyone else. Then, when it gets thrown out, you can have it. (Hint: don't get busted taking it out of the bin).

11. Find a good, child-proof hiding spot, and under no circumstances let it be compromised.

12. Think carefully before cocking your leg. If you wee on your lead, you will have to drag it around with you and suffer the consequences.

13. If you're going to eat junk, be prepared to regret it.

14. Last but not least, the doggy mantra:

“Poop like there's nobody watching,
Chase cars like you'll never get hurt,
Howl like there's nobody listening,
And dig like heaven's in the earth.” 

Also - while I was searching google images for a picture of the original poem (above), I found a picture of a girl wearing a bacon bra. True story. I don't know why.

M xx