Day 39

Dear The Queen,

Congratulations on your Diamond Jubilee. To be honest with you, I had no idea that was even coming up for you until everyone in England started banging on about a five day weekend. I guess the monarchy has such an all pervading influence on day-to-day life in Australia that we just take you for granted. I heard that there are now more coins with your image on them than any other royal, past or present. Imagine how far in front you'd have been if they hadn't got rid of the one cent and two cent ones, eh? Pretty sure if they started putting anyone else's picture on money now, there'd be whole generations of Aussies totally lost for words. Especially if it was Charles - he doesn't really have the coin-worthy look, you know? It's the funny side part and the ears. Better go with Wills, he is a bit easier on the eye.

But still, sixty marvellous years of being a dignified public figure - those are some good stats. I bet the Australian Labour Party wouldn't mind hiring you to do a little coaching in PR, seeing as those guys last about sixty days on average in office, before making a royal ass of themselves (excuse the pun). Sixty years of squeaky clean must take a good lot of 'stiff upper lip' and thinking about your actions carefully before committing to them. Either that or you have spent loads of dosh out of the royal coffers on paying butlers and prossies to keep a lid on it... :) Kidding.

Well done on the outfit - tough to pull off a truly conventional design as a lady of your advanced years. I never would have thought of that knee length skirt and tailored jacket with shoulder pads combo. And off-white - such a forward thinking colour. I'm glad to see you have a bit of class - most celebs are going for the see-through, clingy red-carpet look, which I feel may not have conveyed the appropriate tone.

Poor old Phil, eh? How is the old chap? Trouble with the waterworks, never good. Maybe the barge wasn't such a great idea, all that splashing and lapping could do a real number on someone if they already felt like they kept needing to go. I hope he came good with a decent pressie, though. Something diamond, at least, I mean, he's had a while to get something sorted. Perhaps another diamond brooch? Or a diamond denture class? Just thinking... sixty years being married to a sheila who wears the pants - maybe you should have gotten him a pressie, too. Just a token you know - like maybe a Maserati. Knowing your lot, he's done well to avoid the old 'behead and replace' number, hasn't he? Kidding.

Anyways, just wanted to wish you all the best - I quite admire you (even if there are a few little things I'd have done differently over the years: starting with beheading a few of those gossip magazine people, they never really were on your side, it was always Diana, Diana, Diana, and possibly trying the odd different species of dog out because you've kind of ruined Corgis for everyone). Enjoy the rest of your reign, and make sure you give old Wills and Kate the giddy-up on the baby front, everyone's getting toey.

Cheerio,

Megs xx